"Healing can come at the most awkward, inconvenient and inopportune times in your life."
Are you feeling knocked down by the memories of your past?
The account below took place at a random time on a random evening, as times like these have usually come for me. Without warning, while cleaning my kitchen, the struggles of the day poured out of me like a river and onto the dishes below. I have always written down my feelings in a journal as a way to heal, but this time I decided to write them in my blog.
Why?
I want you to know that you can make it through whatever has hurt you.
You don't have to stay in the pain or resentment of anything that anyone has done to you. If you're not already, allow yourself to go through the process of healing and then love yourself enough to let your past go. You may have to consciously "let it go" multiple times a day, but taking those steps is a start.
You can't change the past and holding onto it is slowly killing you. It's controlling you and ruining your life, and one of the first steps to letting it go is feeling through the pain. Don't ignore it.
I spent years avoiding the feelings of the pain from the sexual abuse of my past.
It was what I trained myself to do as a child. Ignoring my feelings became a normal way of life. It wasn't until years later that I realized the only way to make it on the other side of my past was to go through it. I began training myself to feel the pain, allowing my heart to weep and then release it into love. Surrender into love.
It's not been easy, but being on the other side of it all is amazing!
Whatever you have been through, make a decision that you'll make it through. Not over it, not around it...through it. Be determined to come out on the other side of your struggles into a beautiful NEW reality!
Stay committed to yourself, your freedom and your future. Love yourself enough to heal through love, to get back up and never be a victim to your past again.
I cannot stress this enough!
Love yourself through the pain. Be compassionate and patient with your heart!
On a random night in April...
"I have dreams. I have goals. I have a life and this pain is invading my soul like a flood. It’s getting everywhere and all over everything. I can’t seem to control my response.
Breathe...
Take in the pain. Feel the heartbreak that your life doesn't look like the blueprint you've drawn out for yourself. For years, I ignored pain. Sure, I dealt with some of it, but quickly picked myself up, dusted myself off and lived my life.
I kept going. I thought that if I ignored it I would “get over it” faster. After all, it's what I've always done. I thought that if I rejected those tiny sharp stabs of emerging emotions, that I would be stronger the next time. Now what? Now that I am "feeling" again. Now that I am experiencing life as if the band aid was ripped off...again, now what?
Breathe...
Stop rejecting. Stop ignoring pain. Let it come and let it go. Easier said than done, right? I just want to go to bed, finish the dishes, turn on a movie, forget...push it down...do what I’m familiar with because I am NOT familiar with feeling!
I'm familiar with forgetting, suppressing.
Breathe...
My dreams are sleeping and my past is awake. My goals ran away, leaving me in a muddy puddle in a dark ally. This feels completely awful. I don’t want my husband to know, I don’t want my kids to see me like this. Tears roll down as I think about the years I could have been free, but didn’t know how.
Breathe...
"I sit here. In the quiet. Writing this down because... this is me, getting back up."
It's time to live life in freedom!
Never give up on who you can become on the other side of your darkness!
You are a champion and you are enough!
Thank you for taking the time to read my journey!
Let me know what this post and other posts on my blog have meant to you. I would love to hear from you!
Also, please share my blog with anyone who may need to know that freedom from the past is possible!!!
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