This morning I've been contemplating the idea of a new self. A new beginning within me. A fresh start with a new mindset and new behaviors.
I've been listening to the late Wayne Dyer recently and have been getting very profound insight into my life and mindset. It's been like fresh rain on very dry ground.
Since I was a teenager, I've always looked internally to find what I don't like about myself, then spend days, weeks, or months (sometimes years) working to change it. That has been my modus operandi for decades.
However, something that Wayne reminded me of is that having the mindset of, "I don't like this so I will work on changing it," is counterintuitive.
Why?
When you're focused on what you don't like, you're not thinking about what you love and love changes everything.
Granted, certain things in our lives change because we're tired of the same cycle or hitting the same proverbial wall, and that discomfort changes things. You don't like it, so you change it.
But what I am talking about here is after you decide that the cycle, the pattern, the behavior, or the beliefs need to change, what will you continue to focus on?
What thoughts come AFTER you make the decision to change something you don't like?
You can't keep focusing on, "I can't stand..., or I am so tired of..."
For true change, you must focus on what you are for, rather than what you are against.
This is why I haven't been able to change cyclical patterns within myself. There are patterns from early childhood, that have been ingrained within my personality. If I look at those patterns with disdain and resentment, I will always feel hopeless and will never be able to change them.
However, if I begin to cultivate an appreciation for the lessons I learned as a result of those patterns, then I am bringing in a new dynamic to change.
I can release those behaviors and leave them behind me as I step into a new identity because I decided to change what I focused on!
Wayne Dyer teaches that if you are against something, be FOR its opposite instead.
For example:
I am against fighting, but I am for peaceful and loving communication.
What is it within myself that I have to look at and change in order to have peaceful and loving communication show up in my life?
Answer: I must affirm to myself what it is I want to experience.
Speak Affirmations:
I am willing to have an open mind in every conversation.
I am willing to sit and listen without judgment, criticism, or defensiveness.
I am willing to be a great listener and respect the views, opinions, and values of others.
I am willing to show love and compassion in tense settings because I don't know what the other person is going through.
Peaceful and loving communication with others starts within ME first. That's why you hear people say, "Be the change you're looking for." Everything begins in us first.
Many times, we can be so engulfed in the stories in our heads that we lose the ability to relate to others. I've learned this lesson the hard way.
I'm a deep thinker and my brain is always on full throttle! It can be exhausting!
When I'm in the trenches of my own mind, I can get lost in very narrow thinking. I then step into my ego (because the ego is living in your head) and I end up creating the very scenarios that I try to avoid.
When I'm in my head and not my heart, I misread cues, I misunderstand, I become super sensitive to criticism, I fumble my words, I can't see beyond my emotions, and I misjudge others.
As I said, all of this self-awareness has come to me the hard way, but as someone who wants to grow and evolve, I am open to receiving the lessons.
Instead of saying to myself, "I don't want to be that person anymore."
I am giving myself grace first, then I am internalizing what I DO want to see within myself.
What can you affirm to yourself about your life right now?
What are you focused on?
Are you willing to be the change in your life?
Stop waiting on others to change for you! Become the person who creates change within yourself, regardless of who does or doesn't change around you. Be the one who energizes, loves, listens, and brings joy.
When you begin to focus on what you love and appreciate about yourself, the things you don't like will start fading away.
You will walk with new confidence. You will see others in a new light. You will relax and find life to be more than you could have ever dreamed of, even in difficult situations.
I hope this encouraged you today! If you want to want to connect, send me an email at... charity@burnttoastandcoffee.com.
You can also follow me on most social media outlets and you can comment on this post!
As always, I send you love and hugs from my heart to yours!
Charity
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